I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
