Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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