I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize