I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
