Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
