I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
They took my balls.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
