You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
