how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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