well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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