Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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