So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
