When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
