If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
BRING THE BAGELS
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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