so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
