I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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