planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Randomize
