hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Randomize
