I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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