I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
