you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
You pole danced in your parka.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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