He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
