Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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