proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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