Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Randomize
