We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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