i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize
