Just fell off a train. Bad.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
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