Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
