just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
