It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
