The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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