I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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