There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
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