Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
