Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
