He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
The struggles of a small town man whore
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize