yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
