meet me or not, i'm out of control
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
