I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
