I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
