I showed him my bush... on skype.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
