I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Pants are for mortals
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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