I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
