the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize