They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
