I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
