did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize