She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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