Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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