p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize