you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
