Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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