I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
