drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
