You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
