i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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