DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
