wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
