At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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