Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
