I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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