If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
You don't make any sense
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