Define "chronic" masturbator.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Randomize
