your thong is hanging out like whoa
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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