You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
