ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
me + whiskey = a bad person
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize