one word: firstdatebathroomanal
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
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