we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
