Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
