K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
