does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
