dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
