Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Randomize
