He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
