i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
