The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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