The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
