At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Randomize
