Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
