Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
