Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
