when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
