the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
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