I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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