i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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