awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
