Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
