please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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