The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
