D3 body, D1 cock
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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